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Author Topic: Days out or holidays with a baby?!  (Read 815 times)

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Offline Annie85Topic starter

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Days out or holidays with a baby?!
« on: June 10, 2016, 08:57:25 AM »
Hello!

How are you all? I was just wondering if there were any days out or holidays suitable for a single mummy with a 6 month old please??
My partner left us and won't come back and I'm feeling a bit lost and stuck in a rut. Whilst he gets to go off out and do whatever he wants, I'm stuck st home alone doing the same things everyday.
I'd really like something to look forward too, but never been away with the baby before and he is still breastfeeding.

Any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you,

Annie xx

Offline monkeys mom

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Re: Days out or holidays with a baby?!
« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2016, 09:34:09 AM »
Hi Annie and welcome
You sound incredibly calm (and sane!) when juggling the break up with a new born. My son was 2 months when my marriage broke up and I look back at that time as though it was a haze - no idea how I got through but I regret most of all that I missed such a valuable time with my son and wish I'd just enjoyed being with him more.

We've had babes in arms on our trips before - even on the camping trips! and there are a few trips for younger children (and therefore you'll also meet moms in a similar position).

When were you thinking of going away? At present there are only spaces on the Cornwall http://singlewithkids.co.uk/holidays/cornwall-break/ and Fort Belan (WAles) http://singlewithkids.co.uk/holidays/wales-fort/ breaks both of which are popular with younger families but you'd need to book a private room for the two of you.

Like doing anything with a baby - it's all about preparation.... and SWK is here to help if you have any questions, need additional things in the room (eg cot) although having familiar items (such as a travel cot your baby is used to) tends to help settle baby into new surroundings.

Getting away is good for you both but right now it sounds like you could really do with some company or fellow single parents.

As for the ex - try not to focus on what he's doing - it will wind you up and you don't need that in your life. Whatever he is doing he is missing out on THE MOST important time with your child and whilst it's hardwork for you you don't have anyone to tell you what to do and can now plan for you and your baby and look forward to some great time ahead.

MM x
Sometimes when you give up on someone, its not because you don't care but because you realise that they don't.

Offline Annie85Topic starter

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Re: Days out or holidays with a baby?!
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2016, 10:06:34 AM »
Hey MM,

Thank you for your reply. Sorry it's taken a while for my reply. Things went from bad to worse with my ex. Been trying to sort myself out :( Think I am just in shock and disbelief that he can be so hurtful.

I like the sound of both trips. I just worry it will be really stressful on my own and no different to being at home?! He still doesn't sleep through the night and I am still breast feeding him. :) Hopefully the stress won't stop this.

I guess come the end of July he will be that much bigger and might enjoy it more?
I defiantly do need to get out and meet more mummy's and have some company. I find the evenings are the worst.

I know he is missing out, but we are missing out on being a family too. My son will never know what it's like to spend a Christmas with his mummy and daddy. He will always be back and forth...well unless his dad decides to walk away, which in all honesty would be better for everyone!

I don't know how people get through this, I am jsut so broken and numb right now :(

Annie xx

Offline monkeys mom

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Re: Days out or holidays with a baby?!
« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2016, 10:32:45 AM »
Hi Annie!
The nights are hard - that's where this forum was a lifesaver for me as once my son was in bed from around 6pm I'd be alone and couldn't even pop out for milk. I found this forum and was often up until 3am just chatting - often just about trivia but it felt normal and like I wasn't alone anymore.

Right now you're questioning everything (as well as dealing with a newborn) and it makes things seem even more daunting but if you can handle going to the shops with your son you can handle going on holiday. And you choose how much you get involved. Sometimes just feeling a part of a group, a part of 'something' again is good. But going through a break up on top of the isolation having a baby brings is really tough.

Often men struggle when a baby comes along and it heightens any cracks in a relationship - is he forming any bond with his son? If he does spend time with him then you need routine for all of you - that way you and baby know when he's turning up and you can start to plan ahead. Are you able to talk to him?

As for missing out on the family thing - I struggled with this too and felt so guilty of what I had deprived my son of (I'm from a happy 2:2 family). But the thing is my son hasn't known any different. He does not miss his dad and is a very happy, bright young lad (he turned 12 yesterday). My dad and brother play important male role models in his life and he sees lots of other single parent families on SWK trips. This is our family and it's different to a 2:2 family but in many ways it's better. I could have stayed with his dad and been able to say 'we're a family and he has a dad' but he would have been miserable, the arguments alone would have broken him and I'd be a wreck. I guess what I'm saying is there is no such thing as an ideal family, only an image we have and feel we have to live up to. What matters is that whatever size your family is - that it is a happy one.

You and your son have so many adventures ahead.... and the bond between you will be incredible. One day at a time....

MM x (Lisa)
Sometimes when you give up on someone, its not because you don't care but because you realise that they don't.

Offline Annie85Topic starter

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Re: Days out or holidays with a baby?!
« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2016, 12:16:09 PM »
Hey Lisa,

Thank you. The evenings are quite stressful tbh. Ethan doesn't settle until late and spends most evenings crying. I very often don't eat and end up in tears.
His dad has just told me that after only 4 weeks of us separating he has met someone else. Which is gut wrenching as I'd hoped he would come home :( There were no cracks in our relationship before baby came along, not that I knew of. He suffers depression, but he's just turned into a totally different person since we had the baby. I don't know him anymore :(

I know deep down it doesn't matter the size of your family, as long as he is loved. Which he is more than anything in this world. I don't know how to feel about all of this if I'm honest.

Annie xx

Offline monkeys mom

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Re: Days out or holidays with a baby?!
« Reply #5 on: June 13, 2016, 03:35:07 PM »
Four weeks is no time at all - you are bound to be a mixture of emotions and tbh so will he. Whatever he is doing and with whoever this isn't the time for big decisions and he'll end up hurting someone else... but that isn't your problem. I certainly wouldn't want a man 4 weeks after splitting from his partner and only 6 months after having a baby - he doesn't shout stability and caring to me! As tough as it is that he's moved on (or at least he's acting as if he has, I doubt very much if he's actually serious about this relationship) you're no longer being dangled and you have faced this even though everything else is going on and you're still ok, maybe not happy, or feeling great but you're ok and you'll get through it.

Far more important than him is you and your boy.... my son was always crying and wouldn't settle and just seemed on edge all the time. Then I settled and instantly he did too - happy mommy =happy baby especially as you are breastfeeding. We all sense when things aren't right - babies too. Focus on him and you - the two most important people in this situation.

As for how you are feeling - sometimes there aren't words and sometimes there are just so many feelings it's simply exhausting.

What would you like for you and your lad - make lists, plan adventures, above all focus on the time past all this when you and your little man are happy x
Sometimes when you give up on someone, its not because you don't care but because you realise that they don't.

Offline Ms_wormwood

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Re: Days out or holidays with a baby?!
« Reply #6 on: June 13, 2016, 07:34:04 PM »
Four weeks? Wow.
Not the same thing, but my ex told me he wanted to split when my daughter was just shy of one. He said there was no-one else and we tried the whole RELATE thing. More than six months later I realised he was having an affair, and then later I found out it started over a month before he told me he wanted to seperate.
He was also suffering from depression. Double life and too little sleep (our daughter hated sleep) were probably factors. Anyway, six years later and he's been married the the other woman now for nearly three years, and is recovered and happy and a good dad.
It is tough now, and he might be struggling as much as you with life changes, but if he has acknowledged his depression, and is getting help, then there will come a time when he is recovered too.
Onwards and upwards.

 

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