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Author Topic: Dating Site - do they really work?  (Read 1050 times)

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Offline monkeys momTopic starter

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Dating Site - do they really work?
« on: May 26, 2016, 12:57:55 PM »
One of the regular questions we get asked at SWK is how do you meet someone new when you're juggling a billion other things in your life!?

Any advice?
Sometimes when you give up on someone, its not because you don't care but because you realise that they don't.

Offline Foggy

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Re: Dating Site - do they really work?
« Reply #1 on: May 26, 2016, 01:43:24 PM »
Apart from, literally, not having time ( I have my son living with me 24/7), I don't like the concept of dating sites. Rejecting or accepting someone on the basis of a picture (which is probably 10 years old) and a profile doesn't work for me.

In real life I have met people who, at first meeting seem great -- but turn out to be duds .. but, more importantly, I have developed feelings for people I would, to be blunt, have dismissed on a dating site, because I had the chance to get to know them properly.

Apart from that, I don't want to expose my son to any more heartbreak by getting attached to someone who then leaves .... once was enough!

Offline Mand

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Re: Dating Site - do they really work?
« Reply #2 on: May 26, 2016, 04:15:57 PM »
Hope you don't mind me joining in. Just an oldie having a look round.

I can imagine it's really hard when you have the kids 24/7 and I cant comment on that.

As a mum that had one night midweek and every Saturday night free  I did join a dating site when I was single ( had been for 5 ish years) .

I didn't enjoy it , as you say people arnt all as they seem so my rules to myself and I've recommended my route many times. I never bothered with weeks and hours of text chat or talking On the phone. You call fall for something that isn't real. A face to face meeting is the only way you really know if there is a spark. So my rule was  .... Arrange to meet the person on neutral ground , but very clear from the start you'd like to meet them for just an hour for a cuppa/drink etc and see how you get on. If it's good ... Stay longer if you wish or make a plan for a proper date. If it's awful then you've no need to make excuses to leave , an hour was more than enough on pls try of occasions to know that person wasn't for me. I left texted to say thanks but no thanks and then that was that.

I met some truly awful men, smelly, dirty, irritating and just not what they made out to be. To be honest after dating  3 different men I just thought it's not worth the head space and camping season was approaching so I thought I'd just give up till winter lol

Well .... One chap had messaged me just as I made this decision and he made me laugh. A big plus in my book. The profile pic was dark so really has no clue what this guy looked like. But I just thought sod it .... 1 last date.

I'm glad I did. I met my soul mate that day. It took me a long time to truly trust him but eventually I let him knock down the brick wall I built .  beleive me that wall was solid !!

Well this man asked me to marry him in April, 3 years after we met.  and I said yes !!

Never give up , only you know when the time is right. Be fussy, it's your life. Be truthful and don't play games.

Lisa I'm sure you've tried my hour rule :)


Offline oldbag

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Re: Dating Site - do they really work?
« Reply #3 on: May 26, 2016, 04:31:51 PM »
I think yes they can - they did for me, in fact I met my partner ( of four years now) on the SWK dating site, we still don't live together ( by choice) and both are single parents , he has his daughter full time with maybe one weekend every 6 months off, when we first met however he had her only weekends so we did have about two /three months to get to know each other before suddenly he was a full time dad. I think this would be hard  as you need real time to get to  know the person before intro to kids.

For me it believe it or not wasn't the picture that would attract me to them but initially how they wrote and if they made me laugh, the looks is irrelevant if humour and values are not there, having been married to someone who was physically attractive ( initially) it wasn't enough then.. Yes you have to be attracted to them and can't find them UNattractive but for me it wasn't the main thing i was looking for.

For me dating sites are good as you find out a lot more about people/potential partners, yeah there will be some duds but these duds will be in other places too you just won't have to go through all the chat face to face to find out.....

When I was first on this site for two years I simply couldn't understand why people were keen to meet someone after successfully getting out of a relationship why go into another.. I wasn't ready then and it wasnt until one evening in a pub two years later that I suddenly realised I was.. time is great ;) x
I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I'm not!!!!

Offline Silky

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Re: Dating Site - do they really work?
« Reply #4 on: May 26, 2016, 05:18:27 PM »
I don't like the concept of dating sites. Rejecting or accepting someone on the basis of a picture (which is probably 10 years old) and a profile doesn't work for me.

I wouldn't reject because of a picture (unless it was truly truly awful or 20 years old) but bad grammar and I'm off :-)

Ditto the above - I met someone on a dating site after meeting the Good, the Bad and the 'Shouldn't-Be-Let-Out-for-Fear-of-Frightening-Kids-and-Grannies'    I really could have written a book....but I held out and made a few friends along the way, and then met someone who ticked the right boxes. We've been together for over 3 years now and our paths would never have crossed had it not been for t'internet.

I guess  if you use online dating, it's a case of keeping your common sense about you and being realistic, and not giving up at the first failed date.

Silky x
A positive mental attitude may not solve all your problems but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort"

Offline monkeys momTopic starter

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Re: Dating Site - do they really work?
« Reply #5 on: May 26, 2016, 06:06:06 PM »
Mand - Yes I've tried the hour rule  ;D it's actually quite hard sometimes!

The thing is when you're 24/7 that ANY time to yourself is precious - so it's sooooo disappointing when you go to the trouble of babysitters, hair, make up, clothes free from food stains etc and then you know within 2 seconds of meeting that it's going to be disasterous but you'll have to wait three months until you can have another night out so you've wasted your ultra- mega precious time..... this is what me very very very selective!

But Foggy is right - I'm very much a slow burner and all relationships in time involve falling for the person inside which you only see over time. I need to meet someone as a friend , get to know them and one day I'm talking to them and just think WOW! ... can't do that on internet and very hard to do in real life when you're limited to adult contact....
Sometimes when you give up on someone, its not because you don't care but because you realise that they don't.

Offline The Naughtiest Girl

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Re: Dating Site - do they really work?
« Reply #6 on: May 26, 2016, 07:37:37 PM »
I think it's like real life. Dating sites work for some and not for others
I don't put this down to the way people meet its just luck of the draw
Some meet the love of their life online, some in Asda
Some meet wierdos online, some have wierdo BF/GFs they met in the pub.

I have met my ace BF online but that's just luck. I could have bumped into him locally, he only lives a mile away, but having lived near each other for ten years we never met so maybe online was the thing that made it work.

Dating sites are such a way of life and I think they can be very useful. They can be very dangerous for vulnerable people who may interpret a lot of chat for a lot more.

Like most things in life, dating sites suit some and not others
Courage is looking fear right in the eye and saying " Excuse me, get the hell out of my way, I have things to do "

Offline CB2

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Re: Dating Site - do they really work?
« Reply #7 on: May 26, 2016, 07:59:09 PM »
I just don't have time to commit it.  I have dabbled and not found it very successful but I think because I know I might be in the right place mentally, my lifestyle is not right.

Because C has had an on/off relationship with his dad and only a Monday night at this dads, didn't leave much time and even now as he is older and can be left for periods of time; I would always have to meet away from the house, I can't stay out, I can't be to far away, there are to many obstacles.

I know this is only for a year or so more and then I can think about it once again, I do believe it is the best way of meeting someone.
Life is what you make it.

Offline danensis

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Re: Dating Site - do they really work?
« Reply #8 on: May 26, 2016, 08:54:08 PM »
I tried a few after I recovered from Sue's death. I went to a XXX Advertising other dating sites not allowed (removed by moderator) XXX meetup and it was like a meat-market. Never again. Then I found Midsummerseve, which is a friendship and dating site, and made lots of friends, several of whom I'm still in touch with many years later.

I can remember when Tim was 8, so 16 years ago, a lady I worked with "met" a chap online, when such things were almost unheard of. We were invited to the wedding, and he was a lovely chap, and they both seem very happy.
Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity

Offline WT4

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Re: Dating Site - do they really work?
« Reply #9 on: May 26, 2016, 10:09:24 PM »
One hour rule works for me.

when you're 24/7 that ANY time to yourself is precious

damn straight ... no time for game players

clothes free from food stains etc

That's only a girl problem ... us Single Dads get away with ketchup on the sleeve :)

I only once made the mistake of introducing a GF to the children (as a G/F) ... I'll not say never again but I will need to be very sure they intend to be around for the whole journey

Dating web sites haven't worked well for me ... real life is where it's at in my world.
Two things we give our children: roots & wings

Offline Rach+lovelylia

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Re: Dating Site - do they really work?
« Reply #10 on: June 04, 2016, 07:12:10 PM »
They can be great but I'd say the majority of men are just only looking for a hookup, they just know how to say all the right things. Just be very cautious when using them x

Offline Suiky

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Re: Dating Site - do they really work?
« Reply #11 on: November 14, 2017, 07:24:01 PM »
I used the application for online dating a couple of times. I don't remember what I used, but there you can download for free any application that you like and will be convenient to you. I didn't find the real love in the Internet, but I met interesting people and went to a couple of dates. In any case, this is a great opportunity to get to know someone new.

 

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